Sex in the city

The "conversation starters" linked to from Yglesias's blog are indeed hilarious. They also struck me as very specific to people from "real" America. Here are two New York City alternatives.

Conversation Starters: the Upper East Side private school and Stuyvesant versions

Was: Your jeans are looking a little short! How much taller do you think you've grown since last year? More changes are going to happen. Do you know what some of those changes are?

UES: Your jeans are looking a little tight! How many Dean and Deluca scones have you been eating lately? If this keeps up, no investment banker husband for you.

Stuy: Your jeans are short. Sure, you couldn't care less, you've got your robotics competition coming up, but one day you might care about these things. Pants are supposed to cover ankles. Just so you know.

Was: I haven't seen Jason around here lately. Sometimes relationships with old friends change during teen years. How are things going with your friends?

UES: I haven't seen Jason around here lately. He's off at Hotchkiss.

Stuy: I haven't seen Jason around here lately. Or anyone, for that matter. Put that AP review book down!

Was: Ms. Martin told me that there are five girls at your school that are pregnant. What do your friends think about teenagers having a baby?

UES: First, go to Dr. Martin on 70th and 3rd, then pick up your prescription at Duane Reade at 74th and 3rd.

Stuy: So, I heard one of your friends went to the movies with a boy. Good for her! No, dear, I don't think 17's too young to hold hands. Why does the thought of that make you uncomfortable?

Was: I know that a lot of your friends from work have their own cars. But they're a lot older than you are, and I don't want you to ride with them alone.

UES: One day, you might consider getting something called a "job." But now, hurry up, the driver's waiting.

Stuy: The 2-3 isn't running today. Good luck getting around today.

Was: I was at the store yesterday and ran into Kendrick, Mrs. Jakes' son. He joined the military after high school. What do you think you want to do when you graduate from high school?

UES: Well, I went to Williams and your mother went to Wellesley. Which will it be?

Stuy: HARVARD!

Was: I know that you would like to have a family some day. Tell me about what you would look for in a wife (or husband). How will you know she (he) can be trusted to share the future with you?

UES: As long as you're a banker and she teaches kindergarden at Nightingale, you'll be fine! Till then, your therapist can help with these matters.

Stuy: Once you've finished graduate school, I'll start setting you up with people from the appropriate immigrant background.