Vote or Die! Or Not?

"In a recent Rolling Stone magazine article, Stone mocked hip-hop mogul P. Diddy's "Vote or Die" registration campaign, saying he didn't think "uniformed people should be encouraged to go to the polls.

"It's all well to joke about me or whomever you choose," Penn wrote. "Not so well, to encourage irresponsibility that will ultimately lead to the disembowelment, mutilation, exploitation, and death of innocent people throughout the world."

Stone claimed Penn misunderstood him.

"My whole thing is I just wish uninformed people would just stay home," Stone told The Associated Press. "If you don't know who you're going to vote for, there's no shame in not voting."

--Fox News interview with Matt Stone

Um, thanks Matt Stone. You make me want to do something crazy like rip your shirt off or you know, go see your movie. What I mean to say is: it's pretty cool that's somebody came along and had the guts to say that P. Diddy's stupid Vote or Die t-shirt is just that stupid. Listen if you don't want to vote, don't vote. Please Please don't vote because Jennifer Aniston told you to vote. Voting because Ray Romano goes on a commericial to inform America that "Chicks dig voters"? Also a stupid idea. Voting isn't particularly sexy (though I do, on occasion, find myself attracted to troubled male Bush voters...). There are other things that "chicks dig in men" like showering on a regular basis and having cool taste in music and sometimes paying when you take us to the movies. If you want "chicks to dig you" these are much better ways. Also, let me remind you that these types are ads are not NON PARTISAN. When Jennifer and Brad trip to the DNC is widely reported (on the same networks that run these "public service announcements") it's no longer easy to think that Jen Jen wants to clap you on the back when you emerge from the voting booth...with a Four More Years button.

The most important public service announcement just came from Stone who reminded us that just becuase it's you right to vote...doesn't mean you have to. Listen, I've got a couple of interests. They include TV, cookies, selected pieces of literature, diet coke, and yeah, politics. I've watched the debates (even when a clearly genius level hippie in the div school coffee shop informed us that "why watch the debates when you already know the answers?" Seduce me with your intellect! I'm overwhelmed by the mass of your unwashed hair) and read publications that aren't limited to NYT, the Weekly Standard, the Nation, Salon.com or Michael Moore's blog. But if you don't care about these things, it's OK. Contrary to what P. Diddy (and I'm sure that "P" stands for Prophet! Or at least he would like it too..) says you will probably not die if you don't vote. I say probably, because, we will all die eventually. So you will die if you vote and you will die if you don't vote. There's really no way around this one.

Perhaps P.Diddy means to say something along the lines of "Don't Vote Against Bush and You Will Die in Iraq." But the truth is that no matter who leaves or enters office, the terrorists are staying around for a while and they don't want to be BFF (best friends forever). Whether you vote for Bush or you vote for Kerry or you don't vote at all that threat will remain.

So Vote or ... Hug Kitties, Practice the Piano, Eat Cookies, See if I Care.