Purity Balzac

[Disclaimer: WWPD is actually written by a 12-year-old boy.]

I'm convinced that the reason the northeastern liberal elite is fascinated by "purity balls"--events to which fathers escort their daughters and all, once assembled, declare that the girls will stay virgins until marriage--can be summed up in one word: "balls." Hear me out. The subject lends itself to turns of phrase like this:

“The culture says you’re free to sleep with as many people as you want to,” said Khrystian Wilson, 20, one of the Wilsons’ seven children, including five girls. “What does that get you but complete chaos?”

For the Wilsons and the growing number of people who have come to their balls, [...]

OK, that was it. Now back to the usual programming.