Dear Bisou

What I'd ask her if I could:

When you get into that mood, the one where you run back and forth with fury, making that "chhh" sound that's neither a bark nor a growl, what is it you want? This no longer seems to signal a need to "go," nor does giving you long walks (i.e. enough exercise) seem to prevent it. Every day, maybe twice a day, a few minutes each time. What does it mean?

Do you get enough exercise? Are the "long" walks you take 2-3 times a day, plus roaming around the apartment, an apartment that seems big, at least, coming from a NYC studio, long enough? Is this why you come back in and want to eat Gary Shteyngart books off the lowest shelf?

Or do we wear you out? To and from Nassau St. is a bit much for us, and you're a tiny poodle. You seemed to enjoy this, but were you secretly being dog-abused by this walk and not telling us?

How do you keep getting out of your crate, however we secure the latch? Would anything convince you to want to be in the crate, for any even negligible length of time?

Is there a water bowl you wouldn't overturn? Do you, Bisou, plan on asking the powers that be how they feel about getting one welded somehow to the floor of the kitchen?

Do you really think you'd like kale-and-red-onion salad? Why do I think you wouldn't be begging for it if you knew what it was?

Do you like meeting other dogs? Would anything persuade you to more than tolerate this activity?

If we got you a bed, would you promptly tear it up, pee on it, worse? What percent chance is there that you'd just curl up in it adorably?