Phoebe would order wrong

In the same way that some people always get caught, I always order wrong. At Adobo Grill, where everything looked incredible (and where the guacamole was just that) I managed to order sub-par chicken tamales. And today, at the fine dining establishment that is the University of Chicago Bookstore Starbucks, I noticed a new addition to the usual array of baked goods: the apricot bar. I like apricots, and I like spending less than $5 total on lunch, so I figured, why not? Well, it was vile. I got a second opinion from physci classmate and freelance fashion critic Hung, who agreed that the thing wasn't so hot. What made it so awful? Fake fruit taste combined with real fruit texture, for one. Then these sort of crumble-shaped lumps on top that served only to make the thing look rustic, but didn't, as far as I could tell, have a taste of their own. Then was the crust itself, which was really the worst that can be done with crappy shortening. Why couldn't I have just gone for a lowfat apple muffin or one of the cafe's other, eh but reliable offerings? It's weird, right as I said, "...and an apricot bar," I knew I'd made a mistake...