Thursday, June 08, 2006

The JAP in history

Everyman is the result of a Philip Roth novel generator, and so I do hold this book against my all-time favorite author. However, a main character is named "Phoebe," which of course is a sign from the atheistic, culturally-Jewish, Zabars-fixated god above that Roth and I will one day meet. That said, Ernst Pawel's biography of Herzl is spectacular. I'd rather meet Herzl than Roth, but you take what you can get...

JAP, defined. And once more:

Lauren Kaminsky, 17, a senior at Roslyn High School, said her pre-prom to-do list included a bikini wax and leg wax to prepare her for the post-prom beach visit, a tradition at many schools in the New York suburbs.

Her mother, Kim Kaminsky, said she would pay for the entire regimen, which she estimated would cost more than $1,000.

"They are used to having the best," Kim Kaminsky said, referring to her daughter's circle of friends, who normally go for weekly manicures and pedicures. "They are all stressed out about having everything so perfect, whether it's the boy or the dress or the shoes or the jewelry or the hair — every little detail they are worried about."

I don't think it's appropriate for a serious newspaper to discuss a 17-year-old's personal waxing habits--minors ought not to be able to give consent, not to the waxing itself, but to discussing it with the whole world. Also unnecessary is an article pointing out that high-maintenance Long Island girls become especially ridiculous around prom time. If they failed to do so, that would of course be a sign of the apocalypse, and should be noted in all major newspapers if and when it happens.

Herzl accused his wife of Jappiness ("A" for "Austrian," but pardon the anachronism), and biographer Pawel seems to agree with his assessment. So Herzl decided to create Israel, so that Jewish men of future generations would not have to be subject to the whims and nags of women sporting lap dogs and Juicy Couture.

7 comments:

Katherine said...

Haha, so you should found another country, somewhere in Papua New Guinea, where all will read history, drink iced cappuccinos and wear silver boots. We could call this historical homeland "Too poor to be park slope... i mean... Israel."

Seth said...

just reading those articles makes me anti-semitic

Dylan said...

And in other news, Israel is so over you, honey.

http://www.opinionjournal.com/taste/?id=110008495

I think I'm looking forward to Yglesias' reaction almost as much as yours.

Phoebe said...

Katherine--At seders in Prospect Heights, you're supposed to say, "Next year in Park Slope," right?

Seth--Funny, reading those articles made me think maybe I should spend a bit more time and money on personal upkeep. But seriously, there are "JAPs" of all creeds, and plenty of low-maintenance American Jewish women, 90% of whom attend or did attend the University of Chicago.

Dylan--see above.

Anonymous said...

I'd say there'd be substansially more pampered princess types per capita among the Jewish-American community than there would be in say the
mexican-american community.

Phoebe said...

The last census showed a gain for the Mexicans.

Anonymous said...

As a good friend of Lauren Kaminsky and the Kaminsky family, I know for a fact that this article was misconstrued to reflect the opinions of writer for the NYT.