Unacceptable subway behaviors

Coastal elites have been in the news so much lately that it's easy to forget that we are not all lounging about in organic splendor, gazing at the sea from our coastal ivory (as versus Ivory Coast) towers. Part of living in fancy-schmancy New York is taking the subway, which never ceases to be a horrible experience, even if it's one you grew up with. The following behaviors should be banned, if they aren't already:

1) Reading something dull: The woman next to me this morning, on a train I thought too crowded for reading, managed to have her reading materials out at the ready. Since she was, miracle of miracles, shorter than me, what she'd picked was at over-the-shoulder reading level for me. Her choice? The Chronicle of Philanthropy. OMG why? There are subway ads more riveting than the article she had open, one perhaps relevant to her work, which might well be interesting work otherwise, but wow. I much prefer the pseudopornographic 'urban fiction' when in the must-read-what-the-person-next-to-me-brought situation.

2) Admiring one's razor blade: This happened a while ago. The man in question took a break from picking his nose and doing pull-ups to check out the possible weapon he'd brought on board. Yay 3 train! Luckily, I don't need that line for my usual commute.

3) Having one's domestic disputes at the portion of the sidewalk just atop of the stairs to the station entrance: Yes it does look like things aren't going to work out with you and your boy. I'm sure things will be better for both of you once 11th grade starts, but that doesn't make getting through the summer any less painful. But if both if you could just move maybe three feet in either direction, we'd all be much happier.