Sunday, January 26, 2014

Vows redeems itself

This week's Vows gets the official WWPD stamp of approval. It's the very opposite of 'I found him physically revolting but he's such a kind person and so persistent...' It is, instead:

On the train, she recalled: “I started looking around and noticed a really, really good-looking guy standing about 30 feet away. It’s New York, you see good-looking people all the time, but I was really taken. I was thinking: ‘Where is he from? Where does he live? What’s he doing? Where’s he going?’ ” 
She later wrote in her journal: “I noted his outfit, which struck me as artsy. His brown boots could have passed for work boots. He had a waist-length puffy green jacket. If I had to give his outfit a residence, it would have been the East Village.” 
She told herself she would talk to him if he got off at her stop, but he got off at 59th Street. She took that as a sign from the universe that it was not meant to be, then just as the subway doors were closing, she changed her mind, leapt out and followed him. 
“I gained on him as he was walking up the stairs,” she said. “I remember thinking, ‘Oh gosh, I look terrible, but here I am.’ So I just went with it. I tapped him on the shoulder. I said: ‘You’re wearing gloves so I can’t tell if you are wearing a wedding ring. However, in the event that you’re not married, you were on my subway and I thought you were cute. Any chance I could give you my business card?’ ”
An interaction totally about his looks, his initial physical appeal. At this point, nothing is known about where the relationship will go - if there will be a relationship - but a woman noticing a man is shown as a valid, plausible reason for one to begin. I mean, it is the Vows, so you know where they're going with this.

Note that what's being romanticized isn't a complete reversal of the usual script, i.e.  there's no sense that, if his answer's no, she's going to keep at it. She gives him her card.


caryatis said...

"She gives him her card."

So are you of the school of thought that believes it's more acceptable to give a person your number than to ask for hers? I've heard the argument that women feel pressured to give out their numbers when they don't really want to. But on the other hand, if someone handed me his card and asked me to call him, I would NEVER be brave enough to do it and I would be a little offended that he was transferring some of the needed effort and emotional risk onto me.

Phoebe said...

Basically, I don't think it's a big deal either way. I don't think asking for a number is some kind of violation. But the gender-neutral advantage of giving someone your number is, it's already clear you're interested, but this gives them the chance to reciprocate, or not. The major risk, effort, etc., is in the approach.

Plus, with texting, it's not as if you'd actually have to call the person whose number you now have.