Breeders!

This post is in honor of the fact that several classic Straight People Problems have been submitted to professional advice-givers. These are really the fundamentals, Straight People 101, the dilemmas that, if we answered once and for all, we'd eliminate the need for 90% of questions submitted to advice columnists.

1) From the latest Savage Love podcast: A man calls in, 26, in a one or two year relationship with a woman, 27. She has 'asked him to propose' by a certain date. He, meanwhile, has all this stuff to figure out before that time, even though he sees himself marrying her. He also mentions, in the call, that he has dumped other women due to his own ambivalence, leading to a don't-know-what-you-got-till-it's-gone situation. He loves his girlfriend, but...

2) Then we have this letter to Prudence:

Seven years into my marriage with my ex-wife, I still wasn't sure if I wanted kids. Eventually she stopped having sex with me—citing my indecision as her reason—and our marriage broke up two years ago. Eight months ago, I met my now-fiancee and fell in love very quickly. She's much more sexually adventurous than my ex-wife, our moral and political beliefs are more in sync, and we're a better fit for one another. I proposed to her on Thanksgiving shortly after learning she was pregnant. Here's the weird thing—I'm overjoyed about her pregnancy. I can't even explain it. Because I have many friends in common with my ex-wife, who's still single, news reached her quickly. She immediately called me, furious and in tears. [And so on.]

It is the same man.

3) Next up, another letter to Prudence, same link:

I am a college junior majoring in political science, and I want to study abroad and travel the world. My biggest hurdle is my boyfriend. We have been together for five years and have a loving and mature relationship. We plan to spend the rest of our lives together. But he is against me studying abroad. [And so on.]

If you've had the misfortune to sit through "Undeclared," you are now picturing Jason Segel's character, whose perfect embodiment of the clingy-bordering-on-creepy high school sweetheart of a college freshman made the show bearable.

4) Finally, we have this woman introducing herself in a text-only-but-NSFW letter to Savage: "I am a queer, cis-gendered woman in my 20s who prefers male partners (sexually and romantically)."

Wrap your head around that one.