Fashion emergency!!! Or, why I was much better-dressed in middle school than I am today

I have not a thing to wear. Not a thing! OK, not quite, but I'm trying to find a dressy outfit for a warm, humid evening (that evening being this evening) and, unless I start digging up the prom dresses (which were slip-dresses, not big, prom-ish productions, and thus maybe not the worst idea...), it's slim pickings, indeed. But I used to have many more dressy outfits, back when I was 10-13. The reasons this is no longer the case are as follows:

1) I no longer attend bar or bat mitzvahs every weekend.
2) I no longer attend interschool dances or brunches at Sarabeth's with my fellow Spence 6th graders, a fashion-conscious set if ever there was.
3) Upon working at my first job, before college, I realized The Value Of A Dollar, and that dollar had far, far better uses than ending up at Bebe.
4) I was not a member of a sorority during college, was not interested in entering the frat scene as an, err, independent contractor, and thus had no reason to purchase the shiny/skanky outfits necessary for attending those sorts of events. I don't judge, it just wasn't (and isn't) my style.
5) I have a habit of buying ill-fitting-but-cheap skirts at places like sample sales (thus the black pleated knit skirt a few sizes too big) or Gap Kids (thus the neon green corduroy skirt that will barely close).

And the search through my closet continues.