Monday, February 10, 2014

Beware the messenger

Is it terrible that when I saw that Lori Gottlieb had a long conversation-starter article about hetero relationship dynamics, I immediately thought of her misreading of Madame Bovary? And that my next thought, upon glancing at it, was disbelief that the author of the "settle" article (and book!) is now a couples therapist? Maybe it is terrible, because if nothing else, it's a long-form, researched-seeming article. She's just, like, reporting on the latest findings! Science and all that.

It did lose me earlyish on, though, with the stuff about how women - of all sexual orientations - do not "prioritize the erotic" when initially choosing a partner, although I guess it's possible (sad but possible) that women are so thoroughly socialized not to do so that many end up married to people they weren't sexually attracted to in the first place. Which... was what Gottlieb advised re: settling, so it all kind of makes sense. If women are drawn to things like a man not vacuuming (???) and not to a man being, for example, hot, then sure, any man will do.


caryatis said...

Wait, Lori Gottlieb's not married? Even though she advocates settling? And is a couples therapist? Are men who don't vacuum really that hard to find?

Phoebe said...

"Are men who don't vacuum really that hard to find?"

Haha, precisely!

I *think* the argument is that despite what that silly "Porn for Women" book claims, i.e. that women are 'turned on' by men doing chores, the reality is that women are not sexually aroused by this (obviously; that book was a joke), and may even be turned off by it.