Delving "Into the Gloss"

I am Frenchwoman, oui? So I do not believe in wearing makeup. I am natural, effortless and comment dit-on insouciante? I do not wear hair extensions or blowdry my hair like a crude and vulgar American. Instead, I use [insert twelve different skin creams, at a total value of 4,000 euros] every morning, every afternoon, and every evening. I believe in wearing the timeless, euh, classiques, comme par exemple the many Hermès bags my grandmother and various publicists provided me with free of charge. I am very natural. Christophe von Kartoffeln van Kaas has been doing my highlights since I was a little girl, and c'était quoi la question? facials, yes, I go to Vivienne de la Mer, but only if I have the time, I am so low-maintenance, I can't be bothered! The best for beauty is to go to my family's estate near (but not too near) St. Tropez, and to have the sun and sand in the hair. We French girls [we will ignore that I'm 42] don't try too hard like you princessy, nouveau-riche, Jersey Shore's Snooky every last one of you American hags.

(I have such a love-hate relationship with this feature. Alas.)