She can unlock her crate from the inside. She can pee on a pad. She can sit upon command maybe 60% of the time. She likes getting brushed and playing with her "Kosher" squeak-toy. She needs a bit of a haircut, but we're going to start with a bath. I vaguely recall luxuries like sleep, hair-drying, three meals a day, Internet procrastination not centered around increasing my knowledge of how to turn schrecklichen into (insert Cesar's voice here, as channeled by "South Park" in that episode where they train Cartman) submissive.
Some time in 2017, my first book (of many, no doubt, if I disable Netflix) will be appearing, with St. Martin's Press. Its working title is The Perils of Privilege. For a taste of what's to come, try the "YPIS" tag here.