Boyz II Slightly Older Boyz

I just now listened to an NPR interview with Kay Hymowitz, and some clarification was provided. First, this for Britta, apparently in her book Hymowitz does go into detail on the economic factors that lead 20-something men to stay single. Next, someone on the podcast mentioned that way back when, military service was the way boys became men. And I think this is key - not military service specifically, but the fact that the only way to go from girl to woman used to be by marrying, whereas men have always had a wider range of options, such that a male of a certain age was not considered a "boy" if single, whereas a woman of equivalent age was still a "girl."

Next, the real clarification - or source of further confusion? - in terms of age: a woman called into the show to say she's 23, likes to go out and have fun, but is disappointed that when partying all night long, the guys her own age she meets are not looking to settle down. This to me was a perfect, can't-make-these-things-up example of how gendered expectations play into all of this. Here we have a 23-year-old woman clearly enjoying being 23, in no rush to be 24 let alone 30, who nevertheless feels like she has to ask why there are no good men... at the parties and concerts (not classical, one assumes) she's attending every night of the week.

Hymowitz suggests that to find a good man, the young woman consider older men, noting that historically this has been how things tend to play out. Hymowitz then alludes to the fact that perhaps men have always matured more slowly than women, and also more-than-alludes (not here, I think, but at other points in the interview) to the fact that women have limited fertile years to contend with. At which point I'm wondering why we're supposed to be surprised that 20-something men today are not hearing the tick of their own biological clocks. And why there's a problem - if, as Hymowitz admits, men will eventually want to settle down, the women who also want to do so at 23 have their pick of these dudes, while those who don't can party on with their peers, meeting men they may one day start a family with, but it won't be at 23-and-a-half.

The caller responds, basically, that older guys have cooties. OK, not quite, but she said she likes that guys her own age are fun and not focused on their careers, seemingly defining "fun" as "not focused on one's career." At this point, I'm wondering what, exactly, we're supposed to think the caller means when she says that men her own age are too immature for her, relationship-wise. Is the issue that she wants three-week flings rather than one-night-stands? If she were actually interested in settling down, starting a family, or even a long-term commitment, she wouldn't get the creeps when a man makes reference to having a steady job. Which as good as confirmed my hypothesis that the caller felt she had to repeat a cliché about the difficulty of finding good men, while at the same time being altogether content with her current situation.

I was left thinking... pretty much what I'd thought before, which is that the window-of-opportunity is the real problem. This particular caller seemed to be genuinely enjoying being 23 more than most enjoy being any age. But in general, a woman that age is being told both that she's too young to settle down and that the age at which it's too late is around the corner. The problem is that there are these two fairly rigid ideas women have about which age group they're in, whereas men are allowed a more gradual transition from youth to maturity. And... I may have more thoughts later, but this is the update for now.