Be a Kate Moss, or just look like one

Since the new New York Topshop happens to be located smack between where I teach and where I take driving lessons, I figured that a pleasant use of the 20 minutes I had to kill between these two activities I could spend checking out the new store. No such luck - I'd have missed my lesson altogether, given the round-the-block lines of models and the modelesque waiting to get in. Turns out glamorous types were given gift cards to the store prior to opening day, thus explaining why, for the entire block of Broadway from Broome to Grand, I kept thinking OMG there's Kate Moss, but it was just someone who looked just like her. Seems she has many admirers.

Curious to see what I missed, I just took a look at the Kate Moss for Topshop Spring Collection, the alleged highlight of the enterprise, and, err... why is this supposed to be worth waiting on line for? I mean, yes, these jeans look like they might contain Kate Moss, but for those of us who do not look exactly like Kate Moss (and contrary to that one stretch of lower Broadway that one day might make you believe, most of us don't), they look like jeans missing the button that holds them up. In a non-Kate-Moss size - say, something as gargantuan as a 2 or 4 - the look would change completely, which is not what you want with clothes. They're allowed to look better on the model, but no more. So, it's clear enough why gift cards were given to those who resemble Kate Moss. The real question is, why would anyone line up who's not one of those people?

Moving on. This bra (dare I ask - shirt?) also evokes Kate Moss, in that her cup size is the only one that would not burst out of it. Similarly, this sweater looks designed expressly to create the illusion of hips on a woman without any - not something too many women who aren't Kate Moss should consider. (The best that can be said of it is that it will cover the fly of your no-button jeans, when the zipper makes its way down.) And finally, this shirt looks like a t-shirt version of the X-rays shown in those anti-tobacco commercials, unfortunate given that, aside from dating rock stars unsavory even by rock star standards, Kate Moss is famous for chain-smoking record amounts, even by model standards. But, once again, we can say that the clothing item in question has some association with Kate Moss. (In desperate search for something nice to say about the clothes, this scarf is not bad. Nor does it seem especially Kate-Moss-y. Connection?)

So, long story short, the entire point of this store seems to be that, if you pay more for your clothes than you would at "anemic" Uniqlo (Cathy Horyn, with all due respect, how dare you insult the Greatest Clothing Store Ever!), you will have an aura of Kate Moss about you. I'm not sure whether I'd want the aura of Kate Moss about me, but am nevertheless confident that it's something no amount of money could buy. That said, if there are not lines like this on my next day of teaching-and-driving, I am sufficiently suggestible that I will be sure to check it out.