On Straight Men and Cargo Pants

Can one wear cargo pants in public?

If you care enough to really seriously ask that question, then the answer is a most definite NO. Cargo pants are a juvenile, baggy, and completely unflattering waste of cotton. Get rid of them. Get a backpack or a messenger bag to hold your cellphone, and stop taxing your waist and your back with all the crap you stuff into those god-awful pockets.

There are however, two situations in which wearing cargo pants is especially egregious:

1) You are over 30 years old.

You're not young any more. Get over it. To all the thirty-year-olds still wearing cargo pants: I'd like to introduce you to a store known as Banana Republic. Get thee to one post haste. There, you can get a good wardrobe (which as a 30-something you should be able to afford), and get yourself some pants that don't indicate you still wish you were 20. They'll even extend you a line of credit to get pants (the Banana Republic Card)! Capitalism is sending you a message, fogeys. Listen.

2) You are wearing a shirt and tie.

I don't know what possessed the otherwise adorable young man I saw on the El this afternoon to wear this horrible combo of shirt, tie and cargo pants, but this method of ruining an otherwise beautiful and classic combination constitutes a fashion crime against humanity. We're convening the court, people...

That is all.

For the record: My computer has died (again), and is traveling to California for repairs tomorrow. Because of this and other factors, blogging may be light.