Natalie Portman g-string

The post you've all been waiting for:

I just broke down and saw Closer. Ended up sitting too close, so to speak, which made everyone look a bit chunky, even tiny Ms. Portman in her oft-Googled g-string. I was expecting the movie to be terrible, so it ended up seeming not bad at all. I also haven't watched television since winter vacation, so it was a bit like giving up desserts and then having a stale Twix--hit the spot, but wasn't the best thing ever. This was what I will take with me from this movie:

• Natalie Portman has a fabulous haircut in the film. I will let my hair return to its natural color, which is about what hers is in most of the movie, and my hair, too, will be fabulous.
• Clive Owen shirtless is better than Jude Law shirtless.
• Jude Law fully clothed is better than Clive Owen fully clothed.
• Julia Roberts should not be blonde.
• Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney, in the preview for The Wedding Date, were better-looking than the whole Closer cast combined.
• Debra Messing has cool long red hair. I will keep my hair the fake color and let it grow long.

In other words, Closer moved me on many levels. Profound, dare I say challenging, stuff.