In the Style section, of all places, Jean Braithwaite tells the sad story of how her husband lost his desire to have sex with her once she became overweight. But that, really, is the least of it. Early on in her article, Braithwaite reveals that she goes both ways, and that, while still married, she was openly corresponding with a woman she'd met through a lesbian personals ad. So of course, reading this, I immediately assume, aha, that solves the problem! She will no doubt find acceptance as a lesbian, and thrive in a community where men aren't determining beauty standards, and where being overweight isn't as much of a stigma as it is among straight women. I've heard of straight women who wish they could be attracted to other women simply to avoid having to primp, diet, and such in order to appeal to men. But no such luck for Braithwaite: she ends up falling for a woman who likes her women thin, and has no more luck as an overweight lesbian than as an overweight hetero. What gives?
There are a few confusing aspects to Braithwaite's story. First off, it's unclear to the reader who's never seen her whether she's actually overweight or if it's all in her head; she reveals only that she's at her "pre-anorexic maximum," which suggests that what she considers huge may well be anything but. Then there's the chance, which she never considers, that her husband's lack of interest had something to do with her own active interest in other women; while straight men may be expected to act thrilled at the possibility of their wives or girlfriends bringing other women into the picture, having a spouse who's actually gay or questioning has to be tough on the straight spouse, who is more likely to see his wife leave him for a woman than to have "Girls Gone Wild"-type scenes play out in his bedroom. So it takes two leaps of faith--she must truly be overweight; and that, not her sexual interest in women, must be what led her husband to lose interest--for the reader to buy Braithwaite's pathetic tale. Let's just say it's a good thing the Times online is free.
I once saw an Oprah episode on flagging libidos. Of course Oprah suggested all sorts of strange reasons for this problem. But when you saw the wedding photos of these couple versus how they looked on the show the problem was obvious. The women (and some of the men) had all put on 30 pounds plus within a few years of being married.
ReplyDeleteIt's also possible that Braithwaite's husband also has been getting some action outside the marriage. That would reduce his interest in his wife as a sexual partner -- with or without weight gain or lesbian liaisons. Does Braithwaite consider that possibility? (Haven't read the Style article.) --JM
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