Tonight's Lifetime movie, entitled "She's Too Young," aside from having one of the more creative titles in the history of Lifetime film, is sort of a less glamorous and campy version of "Thirteen" as well as a far cheesier version of "Kids." In "She's Too Young," a 14-year-old girl, a virgin, gets syphillis after giving one blow job. Geez, with that sort of luck, she'll die in a freak rollerskating accident by the time she's 16. In any case, a movie called "She's Too Young" needs more things for which its protagonist is too young than just giving head. So, she drinks. She and a friend break into the friend's mom's liquor cabinet and grab--get this--wine coolers. Does anyone buy wine coolers and not intend them to be consumed by 14-year-olds? Anyway, in a world where one blow job means syphillis, indulging in wine coolers can only mean one thing: vomit. Vomit's big in Lifetime movies. When someone's vomiting in a Lifetime movie, it's one of three things, in order of likeliness: pregnancy, bulimia, and drunkenness.
I mean, doesn't anyone ever just get iffy takeout?
If the point were to disguise it, then I wouldn't've blogged about it.
ReplyDeleteWait a minute... isn't syphilis curable with antibiotics in the early stages?
ReplyDeleteWait a minute... first time and she, ah, got enough bodily fluid for her to have enough bacteria in her system to contract the disease? And it wasn't killed in her stomach by the alcohol in the wine coolers?
dude phoebe, i have totally seen that movie. it's a good one as far as lifetime movies go. and the bad friend who first gets syphillis is emma from degrassi which is my favorite show ever. really, it rocks
ReplyDelete