tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post7231288203615320722..comments2024-03-12T22:31:46.500-04:00Comments on What Would Phoebe Do?: Takes all kinds? UPDATEDPhoebe Maltz Bovyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17996039330841139883noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-24824677945242603352012-06-18T17:36:58.280-04:002012-06-18T17:36:58.280-04:00"Gay people in monogamous relationships who a..."Gay people in monogamous relationships who are raising children have lifestyles, while Weed has a life."<br /><br />Yup. For me, the tipoff was how he ends the post with a photo of himself, his wife, and their kids, grinning and sitting a field, captioning it, "This is what it's all about." As if, had he succumb to same-sex desire, this would have meant not sitting in a field with another man and their kids, but god knows what bathhouse circa 1978 scenario.Phoebe Maltz Bovyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17996039330841139883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-38824112413928216272012-06-18T17:03:52.102-04:002012-06-18T17:03:52.102-04:00Weed refers to the book for which he wrote an essa...Weed refers to the book for which he wrote an essay under a pseudonym in his original post: <br />"Well… I’ve actually published an essay which tells the whole story in an anthology published by Deseret Book. Here the book is, if you're interested:<br />[Insert Amazon link that's tagged to send money back to Weed for any purchases made while on the website.]<br />The book was compiled by my friend Ty Mansfield, and my essay is called “An Unlikely Gift” under my old pseudonym, Jason Lockhart."<br /><br />Weed's essay is in the section: "Eternal Marriage: Principles, Possibilities, and Promises." <br /><br />Basically what this reconciliation movement is about, is getting away from the idea that Mormons' opposition to same-sex marriage is based on "H8," as the face tattoos would have it. No, no hate here! They loves them some gays! They are not to be confused with that GodHatesFags.com church! They also oppose bullying! And they are offering gay people the Hope that they can <i>be</i> gay while acting straight. <br /><br />I know the exclamation points make it sound like I'm being sarcastic, but honestly I do think the Mormon Church is genuinely interested in finding a way to get gay-identified peope into heaven. Male-female marriage is deeply central to the Mormon religion in a way that is simply not true in (the rest of) Christianity. Paul in 1st Corinthians Ch. 7 tells the Corinthians that it's better not to marry if they can be chaste as he is; one of the standard lines for Mormon missionaries attempting conversion is to tell you how wonderful it would be to spend eternity in heaven with your spouse.<br /><br />Mansfield's essay says: "I felt enveloped by the Spirit as it taught me that whether I ever married or achieved my desired transformation in this life, I was infinitely loved and accepted of God. ... I was assured that I would eventually receive ever y promised blessing of the gospel, including eternal marriage, whether in this life or the next." (He now has "a healthy marriage to [his] beautiful and supportive wife.") Mansfield also says,<br /><br />"A friend of mine, a lifelong and seasoned member of the Church who has experienced significant resolution to his homosexual feelings, shared with me the following as he contemplated how open he should be when sharing his story: 'When I made the final decision to use my real name, knowing the ptoential for backlash, I decided there is a war being waged, and our side is losing while gay cultural ideologies are winning. We are losing because people like me feel the need to hide and pretend.'"<br /><br />And finally: "...the Church's teachings regarding homosexuality will increasingly affect how people respond to our message."<br /><br />The tipoff for me that Weed was unlikely to have as much respect for, say, Dan Savage's marriage as he would demand Savage have for Weed's, was when Weed said, "I find that when I think of what alternative lifestyles could offer me, they pale in comparison to the full, joyous, bounteous life I live." Gay people in monogamous relationships who are raising children have <i>lifestyles</i>, while Weed has a <i>life</i>.PGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09381347581328622706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-56766891749112136502012-06-18T13:12:20.116-04:002012-06-18T13:12:20.116-04:00Also, FYI, it continues in a more recent post:
&q...Also, FYI, <a href="http://www.joshweed.com/2012/06/tooth-fairy-story-and-update-on-how.html" rel="nofollow">it continues</a> in a more recent post:<br /><br />"Sometimes the comments are very biting. Sometimes my sweet Lolly cries at things people say and it breaks my heart."<br /><br />Think of his "sweet Lolly" and her tears. Not of the multitudes of gay men and their families whose lives are ruined by the kinds of choices Weed is advocating.Phoebe Maltz Bovyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17996039330841139883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-21594206156190802652012-06-18T10:39:15.548-04:002012-06-18T10:39:15.548-04:00PG,
Thanks for the extra background on Weed's...PG,<br /><br />Thanks for the extra background on Weed's bloggy/theraputic activities. I wish I'd had space, in this post, to again get into the gender dynamics of why gay man-straight woman marriage poses unique issues (as vs., most obviously, straight man-lesbian marriage), but the more I thought about it, the more the bigger issue seemed to be that the couple was trying to have it both ways with the post, to have their individual "unicorn"-like personal choices respected, and to advise others to follow their lead. <br /><br />"I think once you declare yourself to have a better sex life than most straight-identified people, you're kinda asking for it in terms of people's saying OH REALLY?"<br /><br />I agree. Which is why it's all the more unsettling that this post presents itself as somehow untouchable. Look, a sweet picture of our <i>family</i>, these adorable children who owe their very existence to our unusual set-up! How dare we say anything mean about these nice people! It's above and beyond the usual questions that emerge when the thin-skinned, against their better judgement, start soliciting commentary from strangers on their life decisions. It's not even thin-skinned-ness so much as manipulation.Phoebe Maltz Bovyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17996039330841139883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-76393251424507422212012-06-18T10:13:43.978-04:002012-06-18T10:13:43.978-04:00Good post, especially highlighting that Weed's...Good post, especially highlighting that Weed's professional role is what first motivated him to "come out," and that he is using his own story (and has done so previously, albeit under a pseudonym) to advise others that they can stay in the Church despite being gay. He's part of a significant movement in the Mormon Church to "reconcile" gays. It's different from reparative therapy because it accepts "same-sex attraction" as essentially something they can't get rid of, but it still fits with the Church's strong political role in denying same-sex marriage rights. As the Dan Savage post you linked in one of the deleted posts notes, Weed's all full of love and hope for his suffering gay brethren, but he never indicates that he supports their legal right to make a different choice than his own. Going by that post, Weed may well think that gay sex, never mind gay marriage, should be illegal and criminally prosecutable.<br /><br />Re the asterisked point, I think once you declare yourself to have a better sex life than most straight-identified people, you're kinda asking for it in terms of people's saying OH REALLY? I could disclaim out the wazoo, but if I wrote a post about how I could live on bacon and never exercise while being the picture of health and thinness, I'd be laying out a welcome mat for the internet hordes to express skepticism. As T-N Coates recently said in a mostly different context, "The burden is on the contrarian, and the contrarian who truly revels in the contrarian's role will accept that burden as an obligation to do more, not a license to do less."PGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09381347581328622706noreply@blogger.com