tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post2277948248166456965..comments2024-03-12T22:31:46.500-04:00Comments on What Would Phoebe Do?: The world's greatest mysteryPhoebe Maltz Bovyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17996039330841139883noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-86162366707273704732013-08-05T10:52:54.761-04:002013-08-05T10:52:54.761-04:00The easy answer is, because it's "Vice.&q...The easy answer is, because it's "Vice." But setting that aside, it seems significant that it's <i>inconceivable</i> that this assignment could have been given to/pitched by a woman. The gist of the piece is that this guy is finding out 'what women want,' and that that's some great mystery. Whereas, har har, what men want is obvious. But it's similarly obvious and mysterious for both sexes. Men and women alike consider some people attractive enough for romantic potential, and rule out the rest of humanity. That much is simple - the reason for 'no' is usually nothing more complicated than 'you don't do it for me.' But there's still some mystery, because attraction is quite subjective, and because the way it works for most people is, someone will need to be attractive enough to be <i>considered</i>, but not everyone who meets that standard is ultimately deemed appealing enough for dating/sex/marriage, because other factors (personality, etc.) enter into it. <br /><br />Anyway, we assume that men only care about looks (simple!) and women only about not-looks (complicated!). And the answer is, both care about both. But in dude's case, for this article, the answer is very clearly (despite the women's overall politeness) that this guy wasn't hot enough for these women, in the women's own subjective estimation, which just happens to overlap with the estimation of many a neutral outside observer.Phoebe Maltz Bovyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17996039330841139883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-88896764014640904572013-08-05T01:57:04.539-04:002013-08-05T01:57:04.539-04:00WHY would this guy or his editor think that if he ...WHY would this guy or his editor think that if he asks women why they weren't attracted to him, they would tell the truth? Seems like a really unfair thing to do to someone.caryatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-1823688052970702672013-08-04T18:50:29.660-04:002013-08-04T18:50:29.660-04:00Indeed. If the looks-shouldn't-matter men also...Indeed. If the looks-shouldn't-matter men also believed that women's looks shouldn't matter, there wouldn't be a problem. The problem is that they don't believe this for a minute, and aren't even under any kind of pressure to pretend that they do.<br /><br />The way I think this works is, we-as-a-society refuse to recognize the existence of female desire. So a woman's desire for a good-looking man ends up cast as a desire for <i>status</i>, not pleasure. When the reality is, for men and women alike, status and pleasure both enter into it.Phoebe Maltz Bovyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17996039330841139883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-31095825188168658692013-08-04T18:24:29.028-04:002013-08-04T18:24:29.028-04:00During the brief period that I was internet-dating...During the brief period that I was internet-dating I saw some doozies. Like the guy who DID NOT INCLUDE A PICTURE--and his profile was a whole rant about how shallow women are if they're just clicking through photos, and how they should want to get to know him for him, before judging based on appearances. (There was another guy, sans rant, but whose "profile picture" was an aerial group photo of some 40 people--it looked like a promo photo for his company. I assume he was trying to make the same point.) <br /><br />Which, fine. I guess. But I'm pretty sure they weren't contacting <i>women</i> based solely on the text in their profiles.Flaviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17832765671541392835noreply@blogger.com