tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post1235115111314540193..comments2024-03-12T22:31:46.500-04:00Comments on What Would Phoebe Do?: How to "game"-blog UPDATEDPhoebe Maltz Bovyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17996039330841139883noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-14872891209378919302011-11-03T12:16:39.322-04:002011-11-03T12:16:39.322-04:00I'm glad to concede the general point: this ju...I'm glad to concede the general point: this just seemed to me like a case where the advice given was so obvious, and so apparently un-obvious to the letter-writer, that it justified some bending of the truth.Nicholashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05693481720368030657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-53927405605715507662011-11-02T15:04:46.315-04:002011-11-02T15:04:46.315-04:00Nicholas,
I do think he's saying that, but al...Nicholas,<br /><br />I do think he's saying that, but also something else, which becomes apparent when you look at Savage's advice/philosophy of relationships more generally. Yes, the kid needs the generic advice about how whichever person you're hung up on at 19, you may well not remember existed at 29. Uncontroversial, and standard-issue good advice. But Savage <i>also</i> has a tendency to tell those who ask for advice, if they're in their mid-20s or even 30s, that they're <i>so young</i>, too young to want a good relationship to be super-serious (thus the advice to break up if you're studying abroad), too young to feel compelled to stay in a less-than-ideal relationship. (Although he does say all relationships are flawed.) Meanwhile, while the <i>dire</i> state of affairs for the single 35-year-old woman has been vastly overstated, it <i>is</i> easier, as a rule, if one is a straight woman looking for marriage somewhere down the line, to find an eventual spouse relatively sooner rather than relatively later, both because of fertility and because of (and I know Flavia and Britta will disagree) declining options past a certain point, a point that will vary depending on many factors. If you're already considering, in your early 20s, that each man <i>might</i> be "the one," it gives you ample time to DTMFA if necessary, or be DTMFA'd yourself by partners you're not compatible with.Phoebe Maltz Bovyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17996039330841139883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-11203296915256542612011-11-02T14:46:34.877-04:002011-11-02T14:46:34.877-04:00I read Savage as saying something different: 30 se...I read Savage as saying something different: 30 serves as a pretty good catch-all for "people who have made it to adulthood if they're ever going to make it." <br /><br />I think it's important mostly as an age milestone the letter-writer is likely to conceive of, if at all, as 'a long time in the future.' And I'm not sure in this instance that the advice can be separated from the context, which is that this guy does not understand he needs to be out of his relationship, and the non-lastingness of HS relationships is a kind of white lie to remove his most likely objection to being told to DTMFA.Nicholashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05693481720368030657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-78013292193876950112011-11-01T22:43:54.904-04:002011-11-01T22:43:54.904-04:00Do you think it has some redeeming qualities you&#...Do you think it has some redeeming qualities you'd like to enumerate?Phoebe Maltz Bovyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17996039330841139883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7146512.post-16834398586935848712011-11-01T17:33:31.820-04:002011-11-01T17:33:31.820-04:00But aside from that Mrs. Lincoln, how do you enjoy...But aside from that Mrs. Lincoln, how do you enjoy the genre?Withywindlenoreply@blogger.com